The Unstoppable Show: My Journey Beyond a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Life has a peculiar way of testing us. Just two days before my opening night on stage, I received a diagnosis that would change everything. I suddenly found myself thrust into a world of fear and uncertainty, and yet, amid the chaos, I discovered an inner strength I never knew I had. This is my story of facing stage 4 breast cancer and the performance that brought me back to life.

The Initial Diagnosis

In 2020—right in the middle of the pandemic, my life took an unexpected turn when I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer. After a vigilant four-year routine of surgeries, regular mammograms, MRIs, and medication, I felt grateful. The odds were in my favor, and I believed I had caught the cancer early. However, almost five years later, life threw me a curveball...

Just three weeks before my cabaret opened in the Seattle Cabaret Festival, I sensed something was wrong. Severe pain in my right leg and an MRI eventually led me to the hospital, where more tests commenced and the doctors discovered a 'suspicious' mass on my L5 vertebrae. I was hospitalized for five days (through Mother's Day), where they managed my pain and I waited patiently for an expedited biopsy on the Monday after Mother's day. That biopsy eventually revealed that it was indeed a cancerous mass from the breast cancer, which likely 'leaked' to the spine through the blood stream. When did that happen? I don't know...but it did.

Being visited on Mother's Day by my beautiful family

This discovery turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Though terrifying, it also meant that we had caught the cancer early. My medical team quickly determined my treatment plan, but emotions ran high as I faced the invasive nature of the cancer.

The Hospitalization

A five-day hospital stay followed, during which I battled uncertainty, some fear, but to be honest—some much needed rest. I actually enjoyed my stay and loved the nurses. On Mother's Day I was cooked a breakfast first thing in the morning that I didn't need to wait a single second for. It just came! Surrounded by sterile walls and the constant beeping of medical machinery, you'd think my mind raced. But it didn't necessarily. I stayed calm, still, and positive. Because: Should I allow myself to succumb to fear, or would I take charge of my narrative? The choice was to reformulate the way I perceived my diagnosis.

Staying connected with my passion for performing proved vital. While my body felt weak, my spirit remained fierce. Colleagues, friends, and family inundated me with messages, flowers, encouragement, and love, which sparked a glimmer of hope.

I realized the unwavering support system I had cultivated over the years was a crucial lifeline during the hardest times. Plus, I had my husband bring my daughter's tiny little Casio keyboard and I practiced in my room for my cabaret—because unless I was falling over, I wasn't going to not do it. The nurses were amazed.

The Discovery of the Mass

Finding out about the mass on my L5 vertebrae sent shivers down my spine—literally! Initially, it felt like my dreams were teetering on the edge of collapse. The cabaret show I had poured my heart into was just days away. But rather than drown in despair, I decided to take my diagnosis as a wake-up call.

I took the opportunity to educate myself about my condition. During my hospital stay, I learned the importance of early detection and how vital it was to remain proactive in addressing my health—something I had always done but never to this extent.

The statistics surrounding stage 4 breast cancer can be daunting. According to the American Cancer Society, only about 27% of those diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer live for five years or more. However, the upside is that early detection can significantly improve the chances of beating the odds.

Here’s the thing though, guys… I don’t identify with stats and data like this. It is an analysis of data based on the records of a million different people, and I am not a million different people. I am me. With my own case. With my own scenario. And I focus on how I feel and the present moment, which is a perfect moment the way I see it. I am feeling good, I am feeling well, I am responding well to the treatments, and it was confirmed last Thursday with a brain MRI and full body PET scan that it hasn’t spread anywhere else besides this one spot on my spine. The odds are in my favor once again.

The Decision to Perform Despite the Diagnosis

About to embark on a rocky path, I faced a daunting dilemma: should I go through with my performance? Thoughts raced through my mind: “Can I truly take the stage with all this weighing on me?” The answer was a resounding yes. I made a conscious decision to embody the spirit of resilience I hoped to inspire in others.

Never. Give. Up.

Two days post-diagnosis, I donned my outfit and new haircut, rehearsed tirelessly, and embraced every moment. I was not only performing for myself but for everyone who has ever faced adversity. My first show was a success and we had a pretty good-sized audience. It was a great first run-through for me and I was so fearless.

Me in my first of two shows at the Seattle Cabaret Festival

The evening of the show arrived, and I stepped on stage, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline. As the lights flooded the stage, I was reminded that I wasn’t defined by my diagnosis; I was a performer at heart. The audience's enthusiastic applause wrapped around me like a warm, fuzzy blanket, igniting a little fire of courage inside—like a marshmallow roasting over a campfire, ready to be gooey and delicious!

Despite the pain, I decided to channel my emotional and physical discomfort into my performance. My show became a heartfelt tribute not just to myself but to all those battling their own struggles, big or small.

By the second show, I was on fire. I felt fearless. And I have been telling my husband that I don't think anything else could have put me in such a fearless, confident, fiery place for any performance than this diagnosis. I basically felt like I had absolutely nothing to lose, and I completely went for it. The second show was a completely sold out audience with one person squeezing in at the door (thanks Lisa! ;). It was the most magical night ever.

Opening number of 'My Way', reminding the audience that your thoughts become your experience.

Triumphing Through Performance

After my cabaret show, I realized that my performance hugged the scope of my experience. Rather than feeling like a tragic story, it unfolded into a tale of hope, resilience, and the power of self-belief.

Catching the cancer early allowed me to start my treatment promptly and I had done four daily radiation treatments to my spine by the time of my second show. With each session, I committed myself to healing in more ways than one. I sought secondary therapies like mindfulness and meditation, both of which helped in harnessing thoughts and maintaining positivity.

Me at my first radiation treatment, ready to gooooooo.

Embracing Life Beyond Adversity

Adversity doesn’t have to define us; rather, it can unbelievably shape us into our best selves. What I experienced from my breast cancer diagnosis to standing on stage has taught me invaluable lessons.

Through this phase in my life, I have learned the power of believing in oneself. The strength I gathered served both as armor and motivation, driving me to thrive instead of merely survive. The experience not only refined my stage presence but also deepened my appreciation for each moment spent creating art.

It's essential to remind ourselves that the beautiful tapestry of life is woven from both joy and sorrow. I urge each of you to embrace whatever battles you may be facing. Lean into your passions, no matter what; let them be the light that guides you through your darkest moments.

Continue the Journey of Resilience

For anyone reading this, know that challenges are part of life, but they don’t define our journey. Instead, use them as stepping stones to propel you into your passion. Whether it’s through the arts, sports, or another avenue, keep pushing forward and never give up on what sets your soul ablaze.

Just a little reminder that we're all part of this amazing tapestry called life. When we stick together, we can totally handle whatever comes our way. So, hang onto your dreams and tackle those challenges head-on. You never know what awesome adventures are waiting for you just around the corner!

And remember what I said in a previous blog: “You can focus on the darkness, fears, uncertainties, etc. around you, or you can trust that there is always a light guiding you.” If you don't see that light, just know it is in you. Embrace your journey and be proud of the incredible person you're becoming!

If you want to see more updates regarding my cancer journey, feel free to view my Caring Bridge site, where I post more details there from time to time. Take care!